I used to have this list…
This compiled list of end goals. Things I believed I needed to accomplish, achieve and attain to make my experience of living a meaningful and complete one. This list was generated by many a messages outside of myself of what a good life is supposed to look like, and by so many people, all the time, asking me what I wanted, what I’m working toward, what my goals are. And so to have a response, I started to craft some things that seemed obvious enough.
Things like: a life partner, a family, a home, a fulfilling career and exotic travel.
And as I clung to my end goals, I also found myself in this perpetual state of inadequacy, feeling like I was missing the mark and doing life wrong, because things weren’t playing out “according to plan.” And so I’ve started to re-evaluate this whole goal setting system that so many of us are so faithful to, and am coming to terms with the fact that long-term goals aren’t actually my style.
What is more my style is being open and trusting of whatever is in the highest for my journey here. Which is whatever is here, right now. And being here, right now, instead of twelve steps ahead.
So, instead of having the end goal of a life partner, what I’m really interested in is the art of conscious loving. The practice and process of discovering how to do that, which I can do right now in this moment. The deliberate intention of showing up for myself and others in ways that feel safe and honest and honoring. That might look like having a life partner at some point, or that might look like a succession of beautiful souls that come in as perfect teachers for the evolution of my capacity to heal and learn and teach through loving. That might look like long stretches of singleness where I get to settle into loving myself, so that I get to remember that I’m perfectly enough, just as I am.
Instead of accomplishing a traditional, nuclear family, I’m more interested in the soul family that’s already here. Recognizing the humans that feel like home, and nurturing those connections with devotion. Maybe someday there will be a child, and a baby daddy to go along with it, and maybe there won’t be. I’ve let go of the need to control, decide, and know if/when/how that’s going down.
As far as a home goes, I’m becoming more and more aware that my home is on the inner plane. That home dwells in my heart, always with me. And as long as I can land down in my inner sanctuary, I can be much more flexible about my outer living conditions. I’ve lived in the same tiny apartment for the past 4.5 years, and it’s all the home I’ve needed all this time. I don’t always feel this way, especially when I’m forgetting that I can access my forever home just by getting quiet enough to feel it.
My work remains mainly goalless because its fluidity is what brings me joy. It adapts as I adapt, in ways that I can’t possibly foresee. As long as I’m showing up with genuine intention, love, and openness, I’m doing my job. And the forms my job take are privy to the inspiration of the present moment, and in that, I am continuously gratified.
Travel… happens. And fortunately, a weekend away can do a whole lot to reset me, and so I don’t necessarily need extravagant travel goals to aim for. And if at some point a big, international journey becomes relevant and affordable, then what a beautiful surprise. And if that never is relevant for me, then I’m still legit and all good.
Living a goal-less existence feels like a rebellion against the patriarchy. The feminine flows. The feminine intuits. The feminine dances with what is. Planning and projecting has its merit, but we seem to be rather oversaturated with trying to solve everything before we’ve actually lived it. And then we feel stuck and sad and wrong and inadequate and bad because our crafted goals aren’t necessarily what’s in the higher plan for us. Or we accomplish our goals and still feel a sense of emptiness because the goals were never the answer to feeling good about ourselves and our lives.
I’m not advocating that all people ditch their goals. I’m just revealing that a goal-driven existence may not be the path for all. And there’s nothing wrong with you either way. If long-term end goals keep you feeling grounded and purposeful and directed and happy, then they are working for you. If they make you feel like they make me feel, then F em! They are optional. And the Universe has your back, and will guide you where you need to be without so much effort of trying to figure it all out on your own, all the time.
May you be so trusting that you will receive all that’s meant for you.